In our everyday lives, the concept of giving is often tied to material presents — things like clothes, toys, or other tangible items that we hope will bring joy or meet needs. But the true value of giving goes beyond the material. Presents/Presence, as gestures of giving, should be more than just physical or cost effective, but met with what is required of and from the giver. They should align with the recipient’s actual needs or desires, making the gesture meaningful and impactful. In contrast, presence, the act of being there for someone with empathy, care, and understanding, is a form of giving that transcends the material. It involves giving of oneself — support, encouragement, time, and emotional connection — all of which are essential for the recipient’s growth and well-being.
But what does it mean to give with intentions for a purpose? When we give in vain, we are giving without true consideration of what the other person needs and knowledge of what our role requires. It is important to examine our motives, our hearts, the way we carry out presenting in our roles and the ways it shows up for and to others. Is what you’re giving of and from yourself giving what’s needed to be gave based on what is required of your part for a desired outcome? What is it that you are giving? True giving requires self-awareness, empathy, interest and insight as well as an understanding of the role we play in meeting the needs of others.
Giving in Vain: The Heart Behind the Gesture
1 Corinthians 13:3 reminds us of a critical point about giving:
“If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”
This scripture highlights that even the most generous acts, when done without love, are meaningless. Giving in vain occurs when the intention behind the act is not driven by love or a genuine desire to help. For instance, a parent might give material things like expensive branded items in an attempt to show love, yet if the child’s true need is love, affection, attention, reassurance, or quality time that is essential for growth and development(required not to be chosen or decided the decision is how you give not just the what if you desire the wellbeing and doing of the child and others) whatever you’re giving of or from you falls short. The child may want the latest trends or gifts, but what they truly need their core needs met. A hug, a few minutes of undivided attention, or a comforting word may be the most valuable gift they could receive.
It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that what we give — whether it’s material or intangible support — is enough. However, the quality of the gift, both physical and emotional, matters far more than the quantity or cost. A parent’s presence, attentive listening, or reassuring touch can fulfill a need far more effectively than the most expensive toy or accessory.
Understanding True Needs: A Lesson in Empathy and Self-Awareness
For a child, material gifts like branded clothing or the latest gadgets may seem like a “need” based on societal standards, peer pressure, or what the kid or parent thinks or values. However, what they may actually need for their development and overall well-being and doing is presence — quality time, security, and connection with their caregiver.
The presents we give, whether in the form of material items, acts of service, how we show up, must align with their actual needs and our purpose in accordance with the requirements of a well desired outcome. If a child is consistently given material things without the needs required or nurturing that is essential for their growth, what you give and presented may never meet the child’s true needs, even if they are “what’s expected.”
This concept applies to all types of relationships — whether it’s a parent and child, a friend, a spouse, or a colleague. A gift, whether it’s emotional support, words of affirmation, or a tangible item, must align with the needs, desires, interests and insight of the person receiving it. If the intention behind the giving is not rooted in empathy and genuine understanding of the recipient’s needs desires interest at and in heart, the gesture becomes hollow, and both giver and receiver can feel disconnected. It’s not just about fulfilling our own perceived idea of what should be given but about understanding what is truly required in that moment for the other person’s well-being.
Presence: The Gift of Being There
True presence is more than simply being physically present. It involves emotional availability, deep listening, and a commitment to truly understanding and supporting the other person’s needs and interests. Interest isn’t just what someone digs shows interest in but what they put into their giving of their gifts(resources) that is of and from them. As a parent, for example, being “present” for your child isn’t just about being in the home and providing for them while you’re unavailable to and for them. It’s about being emotionally available, engaging with them, and providing the nurturing they need to thrive. Presence is the gift of your full attention, your patience, and your empathy. These are the things that truly enrich relationships and help people grow.
The True Value of What We Give
In my own life, I experienced a situation with my daughter that helped me understand the difference between giving in vain and giving with purpose. We went to buy her school uniforms, which required specific pants and shirts as per her school’s guidelines. Initially, I was frustrated because the options available were not what I wanted for her, and my budget was limited. I could only afford a couple of pairs of pants, and I felt disheartened because I couldn’t provide everything, I thought she needed or wanted.
However, when I saw the joy in her face as she tried on the pants that fit her well, I realized that my gift to her wasn’t about fulfilling my own expectations. It was about meeting her needs in that moment — the need for convenience, fit, and feel good that fosters being and doing well. When I gave her what she needed, she beamed with happiness and excitement. The gift wasn’t in the quantity of pants or the money I spent; it was in the quality of the fit, in how it aligned with her actual need, and in how it helped her feel comfortable and accomplished in fulfilling the need of what all was required in for this instance.
This experience reinforced the idea that giving is not about what we think is best, but about what is required for the person and circumstances as we are supposed to be. We must move beyond our own perceptions of what should be given, what we present and ask ourselves: What does this person need of or from me in my capacity i.e role? How can I show up for them, both in presence and in giving?
Conclusion: The Power of Purposeful Giving
In the end, the value of what we give of and from ourselves and how presents from our presence(how we show up and show it) — whether tangible or intangible — is determined by how well they align with the actual needs of the recipient and the role requirements. It’s not about quantity, cost, or the image we want to present.
It’s about understanding the true needs of others and responding with genuine empathy and love. The act of giving, when done with intention and love, holds immense power. Whether it’s a material item, a kind word, a hug, or quality time, when we give with the recipient’s best interests in mind, we create meaningful, lasting impact. AND WILL BE GIVING WHAT NEEDS TO BE GAVE!!!!
-💋 XOXO